A Shift in Focus

It’s been a long time since I wrote for myself. Lately I’ve been writing all of these posts to my daughter, which she will likely never read, because I wanted to get out all of the thoughts in my head. The things I wanted to tell her but couldn’t necessarily do at this time. It’s also a way for me to process this new life – parenting a high needs child.

The past year and a half since I adopted A, has been insanely chaotic. The process of attaching to a child not born to you is not an easy one. We are, for the most part, very attached now. I have all of those feelings that a mother has for her child. I would do anything for my baby girl, born to me or not. But it wasn’t easy and there were times when we took a few steps backwards before moving ahead again. We are in a good place now. She has been behaviourally much better this year than during the end of last year. A bad reaction to medications made things really rough in October; she was psychotic and I was beyond burnt out. I was so happy when I found out it was caused by the medication, because I knew it would get better when she stopped taking it, and it did. She’s on better meds now, and since we finalized her adoption last month, she’s like a new kid. She’s feeling secure, calm, happy… all of the things a traumatized and brain damaged child needs to feel in order to be well attached and able to manage behaviours.

I am finally beginning to feel as if I’m getting a piece of myself back. My own self has been completely overshadowed by her needs. I had become angry and irritable all of the time and I had withdrawn from my family and friends. I think I was beginning to suffer from some secondary PTSD. But this last month or so I’ve started to see a glimmer of the old me coming back. I have been trying to reach out to friends more, to get out of the house on occasion (this is especially hard since I sold my car when I decided to work from home, so I wouldn’t have to manage the obscene payments) and to get back into some creative stuff like scrapbooking and painting.

The biggest new thing is that I finally got a date for gastric bypass surgery. This is a surgery I was supposed to have two years ago before I adopted A, but had to be delayed. My surgery is on March 1st, less than two weeks away, and I’ve been on a strict pre-surgery diet for the past 6 weeks. I’m glad that A is in a good place right now, because I don’t think I could have managed shifting focus to myself, a few months ago. I sort of wonder if I’m a little nuts to be doing this while I’m singlehandedly parenting a very high needs child, but I suppose I always have been one to leap into things head first, and work out the details later.

2 thoughts on “A Shift in Focus

  1. You’d have to find out what BMI you need for your insurance company to consider you a candidate, first. It’s different in the US than Canada. You would probably opt for the gastric sleeve surgery which has less malabsorption issues than the bypass but is still a thing. You would be on vitamins for life to prevent issues like osteoporosis due to malabsorption. You definitely have to weigh the pros and cons. And no matter what anyone says, NOTHING about this process is easy, so you really have to want it and know you’ve tried everything else.

  2. I definitely think blogging for yourself is so important. And of course, sprinkle in those posts to her. I have a friend who blogs religiously and I like to think someday her kids will find it and like reading her real posts more than letters to them. To me, it feels more authentic? To write how you feel vs what you want to tell them. IMO.

    And congrats on taking the step towards weight loss! I’ll admit, I’ve considered it more recently for myself as someone I follow on IG was basically my highest weight, looked like hell, but now is super thin and fit. I don’t know much about life after surgery? My concern would be the nutrition part.

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